hi

Have you ever reflected on your life and realised that you need to change. A LOT. I honestly did not realised that it is possible to fell out of love with your own self.

There are a lot of things that I need to work on to make yourself happy, and whole- again.

But yet there I am, staring at the ceiling fan feeling...

numb.

Where do I start?

I almost forgot how it feels like to be here

A lot has been going on with me for the past few weeks. I feel like I have to talk to someone about this, but since the thing that has been happening is all about trust issues, I have no one to turn to. Yes not even the people outside of my circle of friends or the people at the other side of the world. So I decided to just write about it since almost nobody could trace me here.

So here I am trying to write about it while browsing through my entries, and I see how naive I was, and it wasn't even that long ago. I even forgot that I used to write in Malay. LOL

I always thought that I haven't grown that much throughout my life, compared to my friends. Yet, here I am blogging again in English, trying to overcome that lil fear I had before about other people judging my English.

Throughout my life, I have this thing that I have since childhood that I always try and be ignorant about it. I have even finally learnt to control the thing, but then again it slipped once in awhile. Still Im very proud of myself as it wasn't easy to do that.

Almost nobody knows about it. If they do, it's just because I had to tell them or they are in my family. Unfortunately that day I slipped, again and the timing can never be more perfect. So i had to tell the person that was with me. Let's call this person X.

X acted like a friend, mature and understanding. So I moved on, and we acted like it never happened. Not until 3 days ago I found out that X told another couple of people about it, making fun about me.

I cannot even describe how i feel. I feel stupid because I thought she was a being a friend, I feel insecure cause who knows who else X told about this, not to mention betrayed and the fact that i keep on thinking about the fact that I actually have this. The ignorance that helped me all these years has flown away.

Growing up was hard. Never thought that without ignorance, it could be painful as well.

Lack of Knowledge in the City

Pernah tonton drama bersiri atau filem Sex and the City?

Kakak aku sedang sibuk menonton, dari musim pertama, dan sekarang sudah musim ke-4.
Secara tepatnya, musim ke-4 episod 11,
Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

Secara jujurnya, kalau kau pernah tengok episod ini,
You shoulda noticed Carrie's necklace.
Yes, the Carrie who is known for her ''unique'' fashion sense.

Pertama kali

Pertama kali aku buat kuiz,
dan bagus tekaannya.

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own. (Yang ini pelik sikit)

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Hau cud yu bi so hatles?

Swine influenza virus is common throughout pig populations worldwide.

Satu benda yang aku pelik.

Kalau dah terang-terangan orang tau kaitannya haiwan ini dengan influenza yang sedang melanda, kenapa kita masih belum berhenti jual dan makan?

Kuranglah sikit populasi mereka ni!

Nasi goreng daging merah sedap apa!

Kerepek bawang di atas kepala

Satu benda yang menarik perhatian aku ketika berhenti di lampu merah hari itu:

Perlu ke huruf Z tu?
-Haruslah kena! Kool ape!

Oh yang ini pun sama:

CRUNCHY!
Rangup! Seperti kerepek bawang keluaran Cik Joyah!

malas nak meng-hanjing lebih-lebih.

Aku di mata Si Hijau.

Si Hijau itu itu bukan Tom Cruise ya! SI Hijau tu ialah Mat Saleh berbulu mata putih di atas ini. Aku dapat effect ini dari Photofunia kerana aku telah di tag oleh Pelanggaran Fantasi dan Realiti (pada bulan April)! ;)


Seterusnya, aku harus menjawab beberapa soalan ini:

1. Do you think you are HOT?
Sangat! Rasa seperti mahu buka baju sahaja sekarang! Wah!

2. Why do you like this picture?
Aku pilih effect ini kerana taksub melihat mata Mat Salleh yang bersinar bak cahaya rembulan dengan pancaran gambar aku! Aku juga suka melihat bibir aku yang merah bak pontianak tak secantik Maya Karin itu. Hidung aku juga telah meliputi separuh muka aku dan sudah menyerupai jambu batu. Secara kesimpulannya, muka aku memang sungguh laku.

3. When was the last time you ate pizza?
Tak mampu nak ingat. Otak aku sedang sibuk memikirkan BR sekarang ini!

4. The last song you listen to?
Kiss me through the phone; bukan dari Soulja Boy, tapi aku!

5. What are you doing right now besides this?
Tiapa apa-apa melainkan menunggu masa untuk tidur. Lagi 10 jam!

6. What name do you prefer besides yours?
Banyak! Antaranya ialah Peah dan Kiah.


Aku mahu tag kau, kau, kau dan kau!
Kalau kau kenal siapa kau lah!
Weeeee~