A lot has been going on with me for the past few weeks. I feel like I have to talk to someone about this, but since the thing that has been happening is all about trust issues, I have no one to turn to. Yes not even the people outside of my circle of friends or the people at the other side of the world. So I decided to just write about it since almost nobody could trace me here.
So here I am trying to write about it while browsing through my entries, and I see how naive I was, and it wasn't even that long ago. I even forgot that I used to write in Malay. LOL
I always thought that I haven't grown that much throughout my life, compared to my friends. Yet, here I am blogging again in English, trying to overcome that lil fear I had before about other people judging my English.
Throughout my life, I have this thing that I have since childhood that I always try and be ignorant about it. I have even finally learnt to control the thing, but then again it slipped once in awhile. Still Im very proud of myself as it wasn't easy to do that.
Almost nobody knows about it. If they do, it's just because I had to tell them or they are in my family. Unfortunately that day I slipped, again and the timing can never be more perfect. So i had to tell the person that was with me. Let's call this person X.
X acted like a friend, mature and understanding. So I moved on, and we acted like it never happened. Not until 3 days ago I found out that X told another couple of people about it, making fun about me.
I cannot even describe how i feel. I feel stupid because I thought she was a being a friend, I feel insecure cause who knows who else X told about this, not to mention betrayed and the fact that i keep on thinking about the fact that I actually have this. The ignorance that helped me all these years has flown away.
Growing up was hard. Never thought that without ignorance, it could be painful as well.
sayanggggg... it's ok to slip once in a while. It's what you do, to heal yourself. You're a happy go lucky girl so you need to do that sometimes. and it's just too bad other people don't understand, and whatever they say about it doesnt matter cause you know better. stop worrying about what people say because wherever you go, people will always criticize.
ReplyDeletep.s, this weekends balik tak?
Thank youu! You know me very well. It's good to know that I still have my non judging friends around, despite the drama :)
ReplyDeleteBalik suga, but i'll see u next week instead okay:P